Do-It-Yourself Attack Ad Kit!
Hey kids! You know those rabid, virulently negative political ads you see on tv? Have you ever wanted to make one of your own, but didn't know how? Well, now's your chance, with our patented...
In just four simple steps you can be slinging mud with the best of them!
Step 1: Find a really unflattering picture of your opponent, suck all the color out of it, boost the contrast, and give it a really grainy look. Or better yet, get some video footage of your opponent speaking, and run it is slow motion. Then slap his or her name across the whole thing, preferably in red, in some kind of stencil font. Play some ominous music, and have somebody with a creepy voice make up stuff about how wicked he or she is.
Step 3: Switch to a gently flapping American flag in the background, play some happy, frontier-type music and show your candidate talking to old people, or farmers, as if carefully explaining why they need to stop trying to plant $100 bills. Then have a pleasant-sounding woman talk about all the beautiful promises your candidate is making.
Step 4: Show everybody a nice little portait shot of your candidate in front of a picture of a pretty little farm or something, and bring it home with a catchy slogan!
That's all there is to it, kiddos... So get to work!
P.S. If Claire McCaskill or Jim Talent happen to be reading this, I just want to say, I hate your smear campaigns so much, I don't plan to vote for either one of you.
I'm the Coreman, and I approved this message.
Posted at 4:20 PM
View 13 comments made so far
Add a comment
Links to this post
13 Comments:
E X C E L L E N T ! VERY EXCELLENT!
"Wayne's World" comes to mind because politicians are at least as ridiculous.
Thanks for posting what my husband and I think every time we see a 'smear' add...
..Truthfully, we always mute the TV if the remote is within reach.
Just one more comment..
about 2 weeks ago i decided to write an article (sometime before the year is out) on why i stay away from politics and why i hate politics. last week i heard Robin Williams, in an advertisement for his movie, say something funny. i thought i would start my article with his quote:
"Politicians are like diapers, they need to be changed often and for the same reason."
LOL... the quote... that IS funny! Oh yeah, and the blog... definitely. Did you invent that whole idea, graphics and all? If so, nice job! Got any recent action photos of yourself that I could, um...borrow? ;-)
Yeah, I just surfed for a few ideal pictures of each candidated and messed around with them and made up some stuff. And if you read the blog carefully, you can do it too!
Sorry to dispoint you... but I'm still probably going to vote for Talent. He's an adamant supporter of methamphetamine prevention as well as saving pre-born babies. Maybe someday I'll get into grassroots politics. I watch TV about twice a month, so I'm not exposed to all the smear ads that would otherwise make me cynical. THANKS for spoiling it! ;-)
You're not disappointing me. I still believe that Talent is probably the best candidate. But call it a boycott of sorts... I've had two years to see what the Republicans are capable of when they are fully in charge, and I was NOT IMPRESSED.
I'm just starting to let go of my "Republican by birthright" mentality, and I think it's a good thing.
As soon as the Dems remove anti-life, anti-faith, and anti-family from their party platform, I'll be open to them as well. As for the other parties... they're little more than distractions as far as I'm concerned.
If Talent is responsible for the new Meth laws, then he is responsible for the wave of new crimes that addicts have to engage in to buy (and not just make their Meth like in the old days) Meth from the organized Mexican/Central American gangs.
If you knew the nature of politics...good politics anyway...you'd know that change must happen one step at a time. The first step to combating the meth problem was to reduce or eliminate its domestic production. The measure Talent helped pass on the national level has dramatically reduced the number of meth labs in the U.S. It's not so easy to just say we'd rather have local meth cooks making the meth.
There are dozens of imminent dangers associated with local meth labs, namely the 1 oz. to 7 lb. ratio of meth to byproducts produced which is dumped into our waterways; the destruction of homes by meth labs; and the danger of meth cooks and their labs to those in the communities, especially children. Additionally, ask any Missouri law enforcement officer and he or she will tell you that 90-95% of their cases involve meth labs and the jails and prisons are full of meth cooks, thus overwhelming the justice system.
The next step in the elimination of this scourge is to increase the effectiveness of the border patrol (which we already know has been weak because of the rampant illegal immigration). Or better yet, exposing the crooks within the border patrol that (obviously, in my opinion) are benefiting financially from the trafficking. Nevertheless, we must take one step at a time rather than taking no steps at all. By the way, I'm not just a nerd to happens to know a lot about the meth issue... I work in substance abuse prevention, so this is what we do.
Hey, let's see if this comment works. The previous one isn't showing up.
Beloved... very good points. If only it weren't for your unfortunate first sentence "if you knew the nature of politics" that presumes your debate opponent to be an idiot.
That's the kind of attitude that, when fully grown, produces the mudslinging ads I'm so infuriated about.
Is there no difference between idiocy and ignorance?
Fair enough... you assume your opponent to be an ignoramus. But it is arrogant to assume that of your opponent merely because he or she disagrees with you.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home