Short Skirt/Long Jacket and the Proverbs 31 Woman

Who better than a chronic sufferer of foot-in-mouth disease like myself to find two things that disgust women and put them together?

I refer to a song, and a scripture passage. The song is "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" by Cake, and I don't know any women who are really against it. (If it's not ringing a bell, think of the line, "I want a girl with a short skirt and a long..... long..... jacket.) Most people I know just think it's funny and clever. After all, it's surprisingly non-sexual, and non-shallow. The "short skirt" desire is probably the only shallow thing in there, and the only references to appearance at all are the mention of "fingernails that shine like justice" and "eyes that burn like cigarettes". The rest of it is all about attitude, intellect and, well... business acumen.

The writer of this song is expressing a desire for a woman who has it all together, and even exhibits a number of traditionally masculine traits. A case in point is the line "she's touring the facility, and picking up the slack." This is an intensely independent woman... the kind that doesn't really need a man, which is a point that makes me wonder if this song is perhaps much deeper than it sounds.

Is it a satire? Is the writer really saying that men don't want the killer woman? Is it trying to communicate the pressure that women are under to measure up to an impossible standard?

Either way, I'm almost positive that the writer was inspired by the second half of Proverbs 31... because that scripture passage seems to create a lot of the same feelings in women as the song. "This is what men expect??? Well, screw that... I'm not taking care of two toddlers and turning a profit on a vineyard in my spare time! And hell if he's gonna see me in a short skirt again."

Good point, ladies. If this song, and this scripture, are true representations of our standards, then we've got another thing coming.

I said in a recent blog post that there are some verses which are just plain none of your business. And I think the second half of Proverbs 31 is like that... not really written for men to read. It is something women should be inspired by, without thinking that men are standing around, supervising their growth. The only benefit it has for men was expressed pretty well, I think, by Mark Driscoll. He said that a lot of young men set out looking for the Proverbs 31 woman to marry. But they haven't done anything to deserve her. He believes that the P31 woman is a woman who has been invested in over a period of decades by her husband, and many others. In short, if you're looking for the perfect wife, go find the perfect husband, because he's already got her.

I like this perspective, because it challenges both men and women to strive to be their very best, and hopefully takes our attention off of each other's progress, or lack thereof.

But I just couldn't get over the similarities between the song and the scripture, so I wrote a parody of the song, using as many actual words from Proverbs 31 as possible. I'll paste it in here for you. If you want to read the original lyrics, and the scripture passage, they're pasted into the first two comments. So here it is. (By the way... I already have a wife like this, so if we get a chance to perform it, I'll have to get some young bachelor to be the singer.)

I want a wife of Noble Character
I want a wife like few can find
I want a wife with worth like rubies
Who can afford me, her husband, some peace of mind

I want a wife with the right motivations
Who is good, not bad, and has nothing she lacks
She’s pricing the market, she’s working with her hands
She’s choosing the wool, and picking out the flax.

I want a wife with a short past and a long…. resume

I want a wife who gets up early (gets up early!)
I want a wife who stays up late (stays up late!)
I want a wife who sets about her work vigorously
Who buys her own vineyards, and makes no mistakes

With fingernails that are grasping her distaff
And spindles, and ledgers, and alms for the poor
She is strong, generous, and dresses in red
She takes on the blizzards and has nothing dread

I want a wife with a long temper and a short…. short… memory.

I want a wife with a smooth set of bed sheets (smooth set of bedsheets!)
I want a wife with a sash outlet store (sash outlet store!)
At the city gate we will meet accidentally
We’ll start to talk when I offer her my chair

She wants a wardrobe with strength and dignity
She wants a repertoire of observant jokes
She’s speaking with wisdom and teaching her skills
And trading in idleness for a watchful eye

I want a wife with a short engagement and a long… long… honeymoon