Area Church Makes Its Home in the Clouds

DALLAS | It seems a new light has dawned on the religious landscape of America. This Sunday, First Bapticostal Church of Dallas celebrates the completion of its new campus, and the mood is, shall we say, elevated.

"You wouldn't believe the price of real estate these days," commented FBC's Executive Pastor, Jerome Bunkmaster, "Hoo boy! We must a paid a million dollars for our last piece of property, but you can't buy the space for a playground for that nowadays! I think we made the right decision."

Church leaders describe the search process for the needed 60 acres of land, conducted last year, as exhausting. With 7,000 members and climbing, the congregation needed a new home with some elbow room.

"So I looked toward the heavens," Bunkmaster said, "and pleaded with God to find us a new home. And that's when it hit me!"

As of this Sunday, First Bapticostal Church is the first church in the world to be located, literally, in the clouds. Advances in technology have opened up a world of possibilities to churches seeking relocation. Bunkmaster describes the cloud which forms the foundation of their church as a type of space-age hovercraft with a solid silver lining.

Although the inauguration is not till this Sunday, last night's Wednesday evening service served as a members-only dedication ceremony. Songs included "When We All Get to Heaven", "I've Got a Mansion in Glory" and "We'll Be Caught Up In the Air to Meet our Savior Jesus."

Members seem to like the new arrangement. Sylvia Johns joined FBC in 1944, and never looked back. "I sorta always knew we wasn't supposed to be walkin' around on the dirt like them other, um... unchurched people. Always sunny up here, too. I just can't wait for that new planned community they got slated for phase two."

Indeed, the plans call for more than just a church building. The official blueprints include a small neighborhood, a school, a post office, a clinic, a grocery store, and a Starbucks. "You gotta admit," Bunkmaster chuckled, "otherwise, the commute's a bit expensive, but no more than those pesky property taxes. And this way we'll only have to associate with our own good churchfolk. Except on Sunday mornings."

Three rope ladders will be available to visitors to climb up for Sunday morning's services, and an elevator runs for members, or visitors with a minimum $100 offering. Catapults are also provided free of charge, to accommodate the disabled.