Hit the Lights, Mitch Hedberg!

Been too busy to write anything creative this week, and here's why...

HIT THE LIGHTS Benefit Fashion Show
This Saturday, December 8, 8 pm (doors open at 6:30) Tickets are $7 at the Front Porch, Vintage Vice and Mojo Pie Salon

www.thecoredowntown.com/fashion

But unless you've been under some sort of pet rock, you know about this already. Turns out we'll have over 30 garments, 9 designers, a live DJ, auctions, food tasting, and all-around good times.

Plus... When you buy a ticket, you get to help the Front Porch keep the lights on in downtown Springfield!

And now for something completely different... a list of quotes from comedian Mitch Hedberg...

On Favoritism: "I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others."

On Time-Travel: "One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I am older.' 'You idiot, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera...'"

On Catch-22s: "I'm against picketing, but don't know how to show it."

On Falling Snickers: "I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential."

On Paper Conservation: "I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut... I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here...'"

On Following the Rules: "This shirt is dry-clean only. Which means... it's dirty."

On Memorability: "I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, 'Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?' I would say, 'Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough.'"

On Barbecuing on a Budget: "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas-Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Heck yeah, reminds me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on... 'Better flip that Frito dad, you know how I like mine.'"