The Zero and the One

I wrote this little allegory in 2001. Enjoy!

Once, there was a Zero. And this particular Zero had a lot of things going for him; a perfectly smooth, round shape, nice clean center, and a long life ahead of him. But unlike the other Zeros he met, he was not at all happy. Certainly he was thankful for his blessings, but he knew for sure that there was something more to life than this. He wanted, more than anything else, to be worth something.

So one day he’d had enough sulking and worthlessness, and he determined to find a way to make his life worthwhile. First he tried rolling around till he was upside down. No one even noticed. He turned around backwards. Same result. Then he thought, “Perhaps if I get enough others like me together, and we work hard and arrange ourselves just right, we can be worth something together! So he sent out an invitation calling all the Zeros he knew together in one place. To his delight, several dozen came, and they stood beside each other, on top of each other, and every which way. But alas, they found that it all came to: Nothing.

Not to be deterred, our hero the Zero decided that what was needed were some tools; some outside implements to give him value. After talking around a bit, he was able to procure a plus, a minus, a multiplier, and a divider. Then he found one of his better friends who wasn’t too turned off by the last attempt, and they went to work with his new tools. They tried Zero plus Zero. Zero. They tried Zero minus Zero. Zero. They tried Zero times Zero. You guessed it. His friend remarked, “What do you even need me for? Get all these new Zeros to help you.” But our Zero pleaded with him to at least try the last tool. He agreed, so they performed Zero divided by Zero. “Undefined?” His friend exclaimed. I’m outta here!

Disappointed, but not dejected, the Zero tried some more tricks over the next few weeks. Powers, Logorithms, Matrices… he even dabbled in some Calculus, but always with the same worthless result.

Just about to throw in the towel, the Zero took a long walk. He walked past a dumpster chock full of all his previous experiments, and it only depressed him more. “Is there no way for a Zero to be worth something?” he cried to the air. He continued walking, out of his little community and into the country, where he’d never been before. He was so sullen, he stared at the ground when he walked, and scarcely looked up. Suddenly, he bumped into something. It looked like a tree, but without branches. Just then, he felt a tremendous sense of value and purpose flow into his empty soul. It was the tree! Or whatever it was. “What are you?” the Zero asked. “I am The One,” it proclaimed with a booming voice. Follow me.

Without hesitation, The One started moving to the left, and the Zero was right behind. As they came back into town, the Zero started shouting out to his friends. “Come here, everybody! I’ve found The One! Follow Him with me!” So many of his friends came behind him. And every zero that joined multiplied the total value by ten. Before long they felt more worth than any of them had ever dreamed of. Sadly, some Zeros were too skeptical of it all to come out and join them. Others tried to walk in front of The One, but added no worth to themselves or anyone else. But those who followed were glad they did.

And so, the Zero, and his friends, found that there was value and purpose to life after all.

THE END