In Memory of Casey Jeffers
Update (12/9/08) - Since posting this, I have received a few comments that took issue with the conclusion that Casey Jeffers was neglected or unloved, and I'm absolutely sure they are right. As one commenter aptly stated, just because there were no responses to her MySpace plea on MySpace, does not mean that there were no responses at all. So please allow me to honor all those who loved Casey Jeffers, that they may not mourn like those who have no hope, but to know that they did all they could for her. Your love, and your grief, will not return to you void. May God bless you intimately during this heart-wrenching time.
I read the following post this morning on a blog called Life of Jason: Sometimes It's Not So Obvious. Normally I would just link to it, but in this case it's so important for you to read that I'd like to re-post the entire text here for you:
About a year ago a friend introduced me to MyDeathSpace. It’s a website that archives the MySpace pages of people who have died. Usually you get the story of their passing along with a link to their MySpace. There is a message board where people comment and it’s kind of a very surreal, morbid place. It can also be as addictive as crack if you’re someone like me who likes the Darwin Awards.I visit the site once a week or so to scan through and see the latest passings and just shake my head and how death comes so needlessly so many times. Then I see a death like I saw today that just leapt off the page at me and reminded me how we can overlook people in need right under noses…even when they’re screaming at us.
There was a young woman named Casey Jeffers who lived in Denver, Colorado. She was an artist who worked in photography, painting, writing and multimedia.
She ended her life by her own hand on October 22nd at the age of 19.
Now, there are hundreds…probably thousands…of teen suicides on MyDeathSpace. What about Casey jumped out at me?
She posted a public cry for help that was roundly ignored by her “friends.”
On October 15th, she posted the following note on MySpace with the title of “S.O.S.: This is a call for help.”
Friends,
I’m calling on you for help during a rough time, to help me out of my current sense of isolation.
I don’t need hours of your time and a box of tissue for a heart-to-heart conversation; I’d be excited to grab a cup of coffee, go for a hike, see a movie, have a beer, help you with your homework. I’ll f***ing go grocery shopping with you. I’m dead serious. I just need to get out and spend more time with people that care. Not in my general vicinity? Write me a letter! I love getting mail that doesn’t have something to do with my money or lack thereof.
Something. Anything. Just let me know you’re there.
I’m posting this here so as not to obligate anyone individually. If you don’t have time or just aren’t interested, just pretend you didn’t see this; I’ll never know, and I won’t hold it against you.
Yours,
Casey
A week later she killed herself.
The total number of responses on her blog posting on MySpace from any friends before the day she died? Zero.
The first post from a friend on that posting comes two days after she died.
When I saw that story on MDS I had another tab open that had an ad for a Christmas sale. The two things made me think about the upcoming holiday season and how many people are going to feel as alone as Casey felt in her last moments. The co-worker who doesn’t have family within driving range. The elderly neighbor whose spouse passed away and the kids come by even less. If we would stop and think hard there is a good chance you know someone who is going to feel very alone as Thanksgiving and Christmas arrive.
Chances are some of those people are feeling despair on the same level as Casey…but they won’t be making a post on the internet crying out for the help.
So as we are less than two weeks from Thanksgiving and the annoying sound of Christmas music is already permeating our malls and stores and elevators don’t forget this time of year is really hard on many. In the midst of your holiday joy and reverie take some time to reach out to those who might really need it. Just something that lets them know you’re there.
Do you want to make a difference in the world? Take somebody f***ing grocery shopping.
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Posted at 12:11 PM
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10 Comments:
Thanks for reposting this. Having been one of the people who has faced holiday seasons alone and lonely I know how trying a time like this can be. I praise God that I did not decide to take the road Casey chose and I pray for all those who are standing at the crossroads looking Casey's way.
This is exactly what I needed to hear and really needs no comment from me, only action, other than to say something about your last sentence. I guess it wasn't so bad the other night when I was struck by something about my faith and said a curse word (not the same as the one posted here) in my inner monologue.
If you look on her myspace page, you will see that Casey had responses to her message and connected in person with friends prior to her the end. Casey suffered from depression which tormented her and caused her to be taken from us. She has friends that responded...life exists beyond myspace messages.
She is loved, was loved, and knew she was loved. Depression takes far to many loved ones each year.
But, thank you for taking the time to consider people like Casey that we have lost way too soon.
to post this with the assumption that no one cared for casey is an extremely insensitive judgment for you to pass, when you have no idea who this woman was or what her situation was. suicide affects everyone who cares for the person who is lost, and the feeling of GUILT is a natural feeling when you are close to a person who has taken their own lives. casey had battled with depression or a very long time, and she did have a lot of people caring for her before she died. she knew she was loved.
please think before you post things like this on the internet. stop judging people who are grieving(or getting entertainment from people who have recently passed). think about how YOU would feel if you found this about one of your friends, posted by someone who knows NOTHING about it.
Anon,
Thank you for helping me to see this. Although I respect him, perhaps I had too much faith in the original purveyor of this information. The last thing I want is to dishonor those who loved Casey, and those who sought to help her heal.
I have never removed a post from The Core Blog before, and I would prefer not to start now. But I will add a preface to account for this new perspective. Thank you again for helping me to see it.
I confirm Casey connected with numerous people in the week prior to her death. This act was something she needed to do because she could no longer keep suffering. She told us she knew we loved her but it didn't help the hurt in side. Depression is a horrible disease to live with instead of hurting those she left behind help those that are still suffering from depression. Help find a cure. Casey will continue to live in our memories!!!!
I'm a friend of Casey.
In addition to the blog post she wrote, she also sent out a Bulletin, which I read and immediately responded to. Thank goodness for the bulletin, because with so many friends it's hard to catch everything that everyone posts. Casey and I were able to get together twice that week. We talked at length and she presented as stable, rational, and she not only expressed humor, but she talked about the future. She showed no outward signs of the plans she had in store. I have replayed our conversations over and over in my head and I continue to beat myself up over this.
In addition to my response, I know of at least one other mutual friend who replied to her bulletin.
Regardless, I don't think there's anything that anyone could have done for Casey. She battled depression for most of her life. May she now rest in peace.
My apologies to Casey's friends who tried to reach out and make a difference with her. Obviously no responses to her MySpace posting doesn't mean no one reached out to her.
Still, her posting a very stark reminder regarding depression and how it can devastate someone's life. Hopefully someone can look at the posting that was made and see how they need reach out into the lives of others to help and/or make a difference.
I was friends with Casey years ago. Not at the time of her death, which is unfortunate.
From my point of view, I could see her friends really suffering with this fact, whith the fact that she was gone.
I know they cared, I know they care.
Even I care. I thought of her often before her death, and I still think of her often now.
I've felt so similarly to her, and in my situation have not recieved any help, none at all.
And when I post small things to somewhat adress it, I feel stupid because I know no one notices.
That is a completely awful feeling. There is no pain like the pain that comes with depression, anxiety and isolation.
I wish I could help so many others who are in my shoes.
Anon,
Thank you for sharing that with us. It really hurts me to think of the people around me who might need such a small thing as a caring conversation, or a hug, or a phone call, which I fail to give. I'm sure there are people at my church in this situation, who show up and leave without ever the slightest indication of care, and that kills me inside.
But thank you also for your perspective of helping... not simply complaining about your own situation, but turning your attention to others who might need your help.
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