There are those in the Bible who went through some pretty tough times. If only they could have had a Know-It-All Preacher Man nearby to help them through those times with compassion, clear thinking, and Sound Life Principles from the Bible.
Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that all, over even many, preachers are “know-it-alls”. I am just poking fun here at those who are.
Solomon: Meaningless, meaningless! Everything is meaningless!
Know-It-All Preacher Man: You claim to be a wise teacher, Solomon, yet you are in danger of judgment for teaching despair! You of all people should understand that the meaning of life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever! Many people have struggled with a sense of meaninglessness, but once you have given your life to Christ, and structured your lifestyle according to Biblical principles, despair becomes a thing of that past!
Hosea: She is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. Otherwise I will strip her naked and make her as bare as on the day she was born.
Know-It-All Preacher Man: I hardly know where to begin with you, Hosea! First of all, let me say that you should not have married a prostitute! Simply by joining with her in marriage, you have become an adulterer yourself. You really should have taken more time to get to know her, to discern her character, and most importantly, to seek God’s will for your life… because clearly you have missed it here. Secondly, you should not talk publicly about, um… breasts and, you know… nudity. That is really inappropriate. And you especially should not talk so scornfully of your wife, even if she is a prostitute. Finally, I really think you and your wife need to come and see me in my office, at least twice a week. Once we start applying the time-tested principles of the Bible to your marriage, I think you’ll begin to see an improvement, both in her attitude, and in yours.
Jesus: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Know-It-All Preacher Man: Jesus! I see that you are going through a challenging time in your life, and are wondering if God is really ‘there for you’. I have helped many people like yourself who have found themselves in ‘faith troughs’. You see, Jesus, God has not actually forsaken you. You are simply experiencing a dry spell due to trials and tribulations in your life. If you buy my devotional book, you’ll find several daily prayers that will really boost your faith in God, and help you to feel his presence again.
UPDATE: One reader on this blog concluded that I was making a mockery of Jesus in this post. I want to make sure everyone reads my response to him, in case there are others out there of the same opinion. This is my response: “I am poking fun at the ‘know-it-all-preacher man’ for how he might have tried to counsel Jesus. I believe that, when people go through hard times, often the last thing they need is a pat answer with a 3-step practical guide to happiness. Yet this is what the know-it-alls often try to provide. Jesus, in this scene, shows us that even the most righteous among us will sometimes feel far from God, and it’s not necessarily caused by a lack of faith. This realization, sadly, is lost on the know-it-all preacher man.”