Today we mourn a hero among hard-working, hard-drinking, funky-dancing former presidents of former super-power communist conglomerations. Boris Yeltsin died this morning at the age of 76. One finds it difficult to truly grasp the ramifications of such a loss, although three questions do come to mind: “Has the ultra-cool name of the popular Springfield-based band ‘Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin‘ now been rendered meaningless? Or is it all the more poignant now? Indeed, might the value of their records even climb in his absence?”
In all seriousness, to the Yeltsin family and the people of Russia… you have our condolences. May he rest in peace.